


i heard the sunrise is supposed to be nice

by Mongo00



Series: holding on (to life) [20]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, POV First Person, POV Tyler Joseph
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-31 00:06:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13963005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mongo00/pseuds/Mongo00
Summary: I heard the sunrise is supposed to be nice.Maybe I’ll stay sane enough to watch it.





	i heard the sunrise is supposed to be nice

It’s 2:43am. 

The streets are silent, but my brain isn’t. 

I’ve been staring at my ceiling for three hours, waiting for something to happen, but nothing does. 

I want to jump outside my window and scream my heart out. 

But I don’t. I can’t. 

There’s this ball of painful tension inside me that I have to get out, but I’m not sure how. 

Well, I do know how, but I’m trying to stay clean. Not that a clean streak of two weeks is that great anyway. 

I’ve been staring out my window for 46 minutes and not a single car has passed. 

I’ve tried staring at my ceiling to make me tired, but it didn’t. 

I have a test tomorrow that I haven’t studied for, and I probably won’t get any sleep for it either. 

I faked unconsciousness when my mom came in to check on me because I just wanted to be alone. 

I’ve been staring at the same road and same ceiling for hours, waiting for something to happen. I’ve been waiting to feel tired. 

But all I feel is the want to rid the tension by any means possible. 

I want to pull my hair out and scratch my skin off; I want to cry all the water out of my body and scream until my vocal chords break: I want to punch everything and anything possible.

I want to cut, but I can’t. 

I can’t have more lines on my body. Seven is enough. 

Seven makes me ugly enough; seven gives me enough shame and guilt. I can’t handle anymore. 

It’s 2:51am and I’m still staring out my window. 

Nothing has changed, and I’m not sure what I’m looking for. 

The sun? 

Maybe I’ll be awake when the sun wakes up. 

Maybe I’ll be able to keep myself safe until the sun wakes up. 

I’m not entirely sure at this point. 

Every thought is so irrational and impulsive, but I don’t have the energy to carry it through. 

I want to cut so badly, but the act of getting off my bed is impossible. 

The thought of getting up for school tomorrow is impossible, but I have three more hours until then. 

Three more hours to stare at the motionless street and ceiling.   
_____

I want to do a lot of harmful things right now to feel something, but I have barely enough energy to breathe. 

I want to feel something because I’m tired of feeling numb. I don’t remember what emotions feel like, so I choose pain because pain is better than numbness. 

But.

I don’t have the energy to inflict the pain right now, so I’m just stuck on my bed, and I guess that’s a good thing. 

I heard the sunrise is supposed to be nice.

Maybe I’ll stay sane enough to watch it.


End file.
